Monday, 3 December 2007

Visiting Liwa

Went camping over the weekend.  Y'see, here in the UAE it was National Day weekend - the UAE was 36 years old - many happy returns!  We had a long weekend to celebrate.  So Ted and Alice (no, of course that isn't their real names) and Mrs Dubaibilly and I all went off to the Empty Quarter to have a two day camp to celebrate.  All organised by Alice.  And what a splendid time we had.

Alice had said that we should bring a poem or story to relate round the campfire so I decided to write one (no, I am not a poet).  

Now, my favourite poet is one John Cooper Clarke (or Johnny Clarke as he now seems to have restyled himself), and my favourite poem of his is Evidently Chicken Town.  So I wrote a poem and I styled it on John Cooper Clarke's Evidently Chicken Town.  Although it is styled on JCC's poem, it isn't meant to be recited in the same way,like on this video, it is meant to be considerably slower.  But you can read it however you like - or not at all if it comes to that.  Anyway, here it is:


The fucking sand is everywhere
It gets into your fucking hair
It gets into your fucking clothes
It gets right up my fucking nose

The fucking camels walk around
On fucking sand that's fucking brown
It covers all the fucking land
So all your see is fucking sand

The fucking bits of fucking green
Are very rarely fucking seen
The fucking camels eat them fast
The fucking sand won't let them last

The fucking desert stretches miles
With fucking sand piled up in piles
Too many fucking dunes to bash 
And too much fucking campsite trash

The fucking cars get fucking stuck
In fucking sand - hard fucking luck
You let the fucking tires down
But not enough you fucking clown

At last you reach the fucking site
For camping out all fucking night
You fucking pitch the fucking tent
The fucking sand gets in the vent

The fucking braai won't fucking light
The fucking mossies fucking bite
Your fucking mates are chugging beers
The fucking sand gets in your ears

It's fucking time to fucking eat
The fucking flies are on the meat
The fucking sand's their fucking home
You fucking wish that they were gone

The fucking boys with quad bike toys
Drone through the night - a fucking noise
You fucking hope that they don't land
Right on your bit of fucking sand

It's over now, you're fucking home
Unpack the car and fucking moan
About your fucking hangovar
and fucking sand that's in the car

But do you fucking understand
It won't last long, this fucking sand
So build a fucking bigger mall
Till fucking concrete covers all!

I took some photo's whilst I was there and I thought I'd share a couple with you:

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As you can see, the sand makes our car look small! This was taken during the early evening just as the sun was setting and the one below is a completely un-Photoshopped sunset

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Keefieboy said...

Fucking welcome to the fucking blogosphere! Luvverly photos. Why do you have such a hard time uploading pictures? Because fucking Blogger is Fucking crap. At least as far as uploading pictures goes.

Grumpy Goat said...

I have been referring to this part of the world as LOTS (the Land of the Sand) since arriving in 1996. LOTFS, althought completely accurate, is less easy to pronounce.

I can vouch for the accuracy. I'm just back from Liwa after marshalling on the GNFD.

dubaibilly said...

My God! The Gulf News Fun Drive can't have been much fun down there! The sand is so soft, surely it was the Gulf News get stuck in the sand and spend most of the day digging it out again drive.

Jayne said...

I know this post is weeks old, but I've had a shite day & needed cheering I thought I'd check your blog from the beginning :-)
Love the poem Billy - it's fuckin blinding!

Ooooh 'eck..........just had a comment from you on my blog. Thank you for your kind words hon *hug*